As with most fogs they soon pass as quickly as they once came. Today I woke up still feeling a little groggy but decided today was going to be a good day. As I was getting ready I decided to dress for success and expect great things…can life really be about dreaming and will it find its way to you. I am not saying you have to just sit there and wait you still have to get out there and work hard but if you knew that whatever you wanted it would somehow find you, would you look at your life differently, I think you would, you would walk around with a knowing and life no matter where you were or what you would be doing, it would be better because you know that someday your dream would find you.

Well today mine found me, I had an audition about 3 weeks ago and the waiting has done strange things to me, it was a long 3 weeks I can tell you. But finally today I found out, I got the part – the lead role…this is the most amazing feeling…to have a dream and then to finally reach that dream…today is unreal…special…magical. I also went to see a friend about ideas for my website, I need it to show more of who I am and hopefully get more work. So I would say today was the most amazing day ever. I want to write more but I don’t have a lot of time so for now I would say maybe dreaming is the best way to go about it and never give up, even when you hit the fog as it could just be around the corner.

I have been feeling foggy all day, I think when you feel that way you know how to stay there and instead of looking at all the wonderful things in your life, you look at the lack and at all the things that went wrong, you start to question your choices and you wonder if all the choices you made were the right ones, was your life somehow meant to be different, maybe I am just to scared to go for what I really want and holding on to the thought of the dream is bigger than doing it, but you also know that if you did get your dream it would be the most amazing moment in your life.

Through having that dream it has shaped you and taken you on this adventure. I have seriously done so much with my life, experienced magic moments, travelled, meet wonderful people and seen amazing sites. I am not in debt, own no property and I am about to be homeless in three weeks. Well I have a couch to go and live on until I work out what my next move is, of course there are places for me to go and rent, but I am not working as much as I normally do and I just don’t have the funds…you see my life is nowhere where I want it to be…so how do I get there and what is it that I really want.

I am sure when I was born the second day of my life was far better than how I am feeling today. If anything I have woken up on the wrong side of the bed and have my grumpy head on. Yesterday seamed exciting, an adventure had been set, I had been born.

After writing my blog I meet up with my friend and took her to my favorite place, we had breakfast at 3pm. We then hit Soho and went to a few bars to celebrate and I didn’t go crazy but it was fun and we talked and giggled. Right now however I am feeling grumpy, I have that feeling when you said you would go to the gym and you know you would feel ten times better for going but you just can’t physically move. It all seems like such an effort and yet now I have started my adventure I feel that I would be letting myself down if I did not do at least do one thing to change my life, seriously if on day two I can’t be bother – it isn’t looking great…

I guess the great thing is that life is always changing and before long my life will change but for now this is a poem of how I am feeling…

As the dark fog engulfs me
The weight of my woes pull my down
My chest feels tight and I am unable to breath
Life seams unbearable when there is nothing really to bare
I am lost and unable to move
Waiting for something to happen
Nothing happens and time passes by
And still the dark fog engulfs me

No plans for today to change my life, how crap is that, you set out on your journey only to sit right down. So today I sit…I promise tomorrow I will kick myself and move, get moment and make life changing actions, even saying that seams lame…what about today…fog!

Hi and thank you for taking the time to read my blog and welcome to my adventure.

This is the start, day one, almost like the birth of me apart from the fact I am 34 but that is just a detail. So today is the first day of my life, now that is something to get excited about and at the moment that is all I feel that I have to hold onto…as everything and I mean everything just didn’t work out the way I had planned it but then and again I am not sure I ever really had a plan. Apart from landing the dream job, the dream husband, the dream house, the dream, the dream, the dream. Ok so I have spent the past 34 years dreaming of the dream and although the dream did happen in areas, it either didn’t last or was only a toe dip in the ocean. I guess I still have one toe that gets to dip every now and then and when it does that feels great but the trouble is that is never lasts. My life just doesn’t last, it feels like I am there or have made it and then boom it all changes.

My blog is to make changes, to dream the dream and make it happen and to see where I end up in 365 days. I guess I should have thought of something grand to celebrate my day, my new birthday 26 July 2010…well it does happen to be a friend’s birthday and I will be sure to celebrate later tonight but I feel now that I have rolled the dice, or set down the goblet (throw down the gauntlet is what it should read but that’s what I put and I like it) surely there should be something grand, exciting or memorable. I am afraid I just did not think that far in advance, foolish of me to set out on my road and to have not even considered a goal for today or an action.

I am told with every great journey you have to make the first step so for me I have decided that my blog is the first step, today is my birthday and therefore today I am going to celebrate. So if you are reading this whatever day it is, you to have to go out and celebrate, celebrate being alive, celebrate all that is great in your life and even if it sucks, surely there is something worth celebrating and if not celebrate that fact that you are now a part of my adventure and I welcome you and give you a great big hug…here’s to a great year with you.